A United Methodist Pastor Comes Out
By: Dr. Gregory S. Neal
At this point I suspect that some of you are surprised, others are not, and still more are horrified. I grew up in Texas in the 70s and early 80s hearing that God loved me, but also that homosexuality was evil, filthy, and “incompatible” with being a Christian. Several attempts to “fix” me were made by my parents and friends, but they all ended in failure. I repeatedly begged God to take away this part of my identity: I reasoned that if homosexuality truly was sinful, then just as God had taken away other sinful things in my life, God would certainly take this away. Well, apparently not — no matter how many times I asked God to change my sexual orientation, and no matter how hard I tried to change myself, I remained a gay man. Indeed, after many years of trying, crying, begging, and pleading, it became clear to me that God wasn’t concerned about my being gay. With this realization, I began to search for ways to “live with it.” While in graduate school I tested my vocation as a monk, thinking that if I was going to be celibate, that would give me a place to be. However, after a time of discernment I learned that the monastic life was not for me: I was called to practice ministry and live among God’s people, not cloistered away behind stone walls.
And so, with stalwart resignation, I committed myself to a life locked firmly in the closet: I would serve God and the church while hiding who and what I truly was. I lived this way for decades, compartmentalizing my existence so that my personal life wouldn’t “infect” my public witness for Jesus. For the most part I was successful: my ministry flourished and grew even despite my “problem.” However, deep down inside I was suffering: I continued to hear words of condemnation from colleagues, church members, and my denomination; I was questioned about still being single, accused of being gay, and forced to retreat ever deeper into the closet. None of this was healthy, and as the mire became even worse and I could no longer tolerate the pain of rejection and self-hatred, I eventually sought help from trusted counselors and gifted spiritual directors. These dear souls helped me to see that the external condemnation and internal self-loathing were all tragic lies. It has been a long journey, however I have finally come to a point where I am at peace with myself and with Christ; today I can say that God loves me and has made me the compassionate, loving, and gay man that I am. As this realization grew within me, and as God’s healing grace began to flow, I quickly came to understand that I could no longer live in the compartmentalized hell that I had fashioned for myself. I had to come out.
I cannot remain in the closet any longer; it’s not healthy for me personally, nor for my ministry. I must live true to who and what God has created me to be in order to be effective where God has called me to be. I am a Christian, a minister of the Gospel, an ordained United Methodist Elder, and a gay man. I cannot deny that, nor will I hide it any longer. I am a gay man who loves Jesus, is called to serve God, and will continue to do so in my ministry as a United Methodist Pastor under appointment.
To my LGBTQ+ siblings I make the following commitment: I will always share with you the life-transforming and love-affirming presence of Christ who liberates us from the shackles of hatred, oppression, sin, and death. God loves and accepts us “just as we are” without regard to where we’re from, who we love, or how we identify ourselves. God will never throw us out, always welcome us home, and forever embrace us with open arms of grace and peace. And, finally, always remember that this pastor not only loves you, he is one of you.
For more than thirty years I have served as a minister of the Gospel of Jesus Christ within The United Methodist Church. During this time I have preached and taught the scriptures, explored and expanded upon the church’s theology, and helped many to grow in their faith. I have presided at the baptisms of infants, youth, and adults; I have celebrated Holy Communion thousands of times; I have married and buried, counseled and comforted, laughed and cried with those whom I have been blessed to serve. I have been appointed to congregations of nearly every kind; I have been invited to preach revivals, lead retreats, mentor candidates for ministry, and teach classes on a broad range of topics to groups of clergy and laity all around the world. I have served God, the church, and the Christian faith to the fullest extent of the grace that has been given me. And, I have done all of this while also being gay.
At this point I suspect that some of you are surprised, others are not, and still more are horrified. I grew up in Texas in the 70s and early 80s hearing that God loved me, but also that homosexuality was evil, filthy, and “incompatible” with being a Christian. Several attempts to “fix” me were made by my parents and friends, but they all ended in failure. I repeatedly begged God to take away this part of my identity: I reasoned that if homosexuality truly was sinful, then just as God had taken away other sinful things in my life, God would certainly take this away. Well, apparently not — no matter how many times I asked God to change my sexual orientation, and no matter how hard I tried to change myself, I remained a gay man. Indeed, after many years of trying, crying, begging, and pleading, it became clear to me that God wasn’t concerned about my being gay. With this realization, I began to search for ways to “live with it.” While in graduate school I tested my vocation as a monk, thinking that if I was going to be celibate, that would give me a place to be. However, after a time of discernment I learned that the monastic life was not for me: I was called to practice ministry and live among God’s people, not cloistered away behind stone walls.
And so, with stalwart resignation, I committed myself to a life locked firmly in the closet: I would serve God and the church while hiding who and what I truly was. I lived this way for decades, compartmentalizing my existence so that my personal life wouldn’t “infect” my public witness for Jesus. For the most part I was successful: my ministry flourished and grew even despite my “problem.” However, deep down inside I was suffering: I continued to hear words of condemnation from colleagues, church members, and my denomination; I was questioned about still being single, accused of being gay, and forced to retreat ever deeper into the closet. None of this was healthy, and as the mire became even worse and I could no longer tolerate the pain of rejection and self-hatred, I eventually sought help from trusted counselors and gifted spiritual directors. These dear souls helped me to see that the external condemnation and internal self-loathing were all tragic lies. It has been a long journey, however I have finally come to a point where I am at peace with myself and with Christ; today I can say that God loves me and has made me the compassionate, loving, and gay man that I am. As this realization grew within me, and as God’s healing grace began to flow, I quickly came to understand that I could no longer live in the compartmentalized hell that I had fashioned for myself. I had to come out.
I cannot remain in the closet any longer; it’s not healthy for me personally, nor for my ministry. I must live true to who and what God has created me to be in order to be effective where God has called me to be. I am a Christian, a minister of the Gospel, an ordained United Methodist Elder, and a gay man. I cannot deny that, nor will I hide it any longer. I am a gay man who loves Jesus, is called to serve God, and will continue to do so in my ministry as a United Methodist Pastor under appointment.
To my LGBTQ+ siblings I make the following commitment: I will always share with you the life-transforming and love-affirming presence of Christ who liberates us from the shackles of hatred, oppression, sin, and death. God loves and accepts us “just as we are” without regard to where we’re from, who we love, or how we identify ourselves. God will never throw us out, always welcome us home, and forever embrace us with open arms of grace and peace. And, finally, always remember that this pastor not only loves you, he is one of you.
At this point I suspect that some of you are surprised, others are not, and still more are horrified. I grew up in Texas in the 70s and early 80s hearing that God loved me, but also that homosexuality was evil, filthy, and “incompatible” with being a Christian. Several attempts to “fix” me were made by my parents and friends, but they all ended in failure. I repeatedly begged God to take away this part of my identity: I reasoned that if homosexuality truly was sinful, then just as God had taken away other sinful things in my life, God would certainly take this away. Well, apparently not — no matter how many times I asked God to change my sexual orientation, and no matter how hard I tried to change myself, I remained a gay man. Indeed, after many years of trying, crying, begging, and pleading, it became clear to me that God wasn’t concerned about my being gay. With this realization, I began to search for ways to “live with it.” While in graduate school I tested my vocation as a monk, thinking that if I was going to be celibate, that would give me a place to be. However, after a time of discernment I learned that the monastic life was not for me: I was called to practice ministry and live among God’s people, not cloistered away behind stone walls.
And so, with stalwart resignation, I committed myself to a life locked firmly in the closet: I would serve God and the church while hiding who and what I truly was. I lived this way for decades, compartmentalizing my existence so that my personal life wouldn’t “infect” my public witness for Jesus. For the most part I was successful: my ministry flourished and grew even despite my “problem.” However, deep down inside I was suffering: I continued to hear words of condemnation from colleagues, church members, and my denomination; I was questioned about still being single, accused of being gay, and forced to retreat ever deeper into the closet. None of this was healthy, and as the mire became even worse and I could no longer tolerate the pain of rejection and self-hatred, I eventually sought help from trusted counselors and gifted spiritual directors. These dear souls helped me to see that the external condemnation and internal self-loathing were all tragic lies. It has been a long journey, however I have finally come to a point where I am at peace with myself and with Christ; today I can say that God loves me and has made me the compassionate, loving, and gay man that I am. As this realization grew within me, and as God’s healing grace began to flow, I quickly came to understand that I could no longer live in the compartmentalized hell that I had fashioned for myself. I had to come out.
I cannot remain in the closet any longer; it’s not healthy for me personally, nor for my ministry. I must live true to who and what God has created me to be in order to be effective where God has called me to be. I am a Christian, a minister of the Gospel, an ordained United Methodist Elder, and a gay man. I cannot deny that, nor will I hide it any longer. I am a gay man who loves Jesus, is called to serve God, and will continue to do so in my ministry as a United Methodist Pastor under appointment.
To my LGBTQ+ siblings I make the following commitment: I will always share with you the life-transforming and love-affirming presence of Christ who liberates us from the shackles of hatred, oppression, sin, and death. God loves and accepts us “just as we are” without regard to where we’re from, who we love, or how we identify ourselves. God will never throw us out, always welcome us home, and forever embrace us with open arms of grace and peace. And, finally, always remember that this pastor not only loves you, he is one of you.
The Reverend Dr. Gregory S. Neal is the Senior Pastor of Grace United Methodist Church in Des Moines, Iowa, and an ordained Elder of the North Texas Conference of The United Methodist Church. A graduate of Southern Methodist University, Duke University, and Trinity College, Dr. Neal is a scholar of Systematic Theology, New Testament origins, and Biblical Languages. His areas of specialization include the theology of the sacraments, in which he did his doctoral dissertation, and the formation and early transmission of the New Testament. Trained as a Christian educator, he has taught classes in these and related fields while also serving for more than 30 years as the pastor of United Methodist churches in North Texas.
As a popular teacher, preacher, and retreat leader, Dr. Neal is known for his ability to translate complex theological concepts into common, everyday terms. HIs preaching and teaching ministry is in demand around the world, and much of his work can be found on this website. He is the author of several books, including Grace Upon Grace: Sacramental Theology and the Christian Life, which is in its second edition, and Seeking the Shepherd's Arms: Reflections from the Pastoral Side of Life, a work of devotional literature. Both of these books are currently available from Amazon.com.
As a popular teacher, preacher, and retreat leader, Dr. Neal is known for his ability to translate complex theological concepts into common, everyday terms. HIs preaching and teaching ministry is in demand around the world, and much of his work can be found on this website. He is the author of several books, including Grace Upon Grace: Sacramental Theology and the Christian Life, which is in its second edition, and Seeking the Shepherd's Arms: Reflections from the Pastoral Side of Life, a work of devotional literature. Both of these books are currently available from Amazon.com.